Even A Sacrifice to Neptune Didn’t Help

The sensible thing to do would have been to check out the location the day before.

The sensible thing to do would have been to Camp overnight and get on location at the crack of dawn before the tourists arrive.
In our defence we do usually do the sensible thing.
But this was all a bit of a rush.We’ve shot at Spurn Point before, though admittedly a couple of years ago, so the fact that we didn’t have a chance to do a reconnaissance the day before we were shooting didn’t worry me too much. I knew exactly where I wanted to shoot and how I wanted to do the set-up.
Nor did it worry us that we were starting late, picking up Phoenix at 5:30 with a 2 1/2 hour drive ahead of us. It’s a pretty isolated spot with passers-by non-existent and birdwatchers and fisherman fairly thin on the ground, so nudity, Including suspensions shouldn’t be a problem.
All was good. In theory.
Then there was the real world.

We arrived, trust membership card in hand which should have got us on to the last three or four miles of road to the point, only to find the road gated and locked.  I knew we were at least 2 miles from where I wanted to shoot and I really didn’t want to carry all our gear that far in soft sand in 30° heat, so I was hoping it wouldn’t be long before someone turned up to unlock the gate.
A word with a couple of birdwatchers got us the whole grim story.
Not only was the road closed, it no longer existed. Along with a big chunk of where I had planned shoot, it had been swept away in a tidal surge.
Well better late than never, I set off on foot to do a reconnaissance leaving Kneelix and Phoenix chatting about make up in the car.
An hour later I was back with a plan, which sadly started with pick up the gear and carry it.
Okay, things hadn’t gone to plan, so what’s new?
But we were on a deserted beach, with lots of great looking structures crying out for naked women to be tied to them or hung from them, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and for once, with no cold wind, rain or frost my model was more interested in taking her clothes off than wrapping up in a warm coat.
And we had the rest of the day to shoot  🙂
Things went well at first, but I should have known.
Naturally the first pensioner couple didn’t turn up until I had Phoenix hanging naked from a slab of concrete having almost finished the suspension.
Th  GPE1506-1513We have a large towel for such emergencies, So no problem. Some rather strange looks and five minutes later the towel came off and I continued with the last of the rope work.
Then the next pensioner couple turned up.  On went the towel.
Then more pensioners turned up and we began to gather a little crowd.
The cameras came out.
Theirs not ours,
and pictures were taken.
One guy who seem to be taking a little more interest than the rest leaned over to his mate with a knowing nod and in that loud whisper beloved of deaf pensioners everywhere, said  “Shibari”
It was only later we discovered we’d managed to time our shoot precisely with a Pensioner outing.
Eventually the stream of pensioners ebbed, and I was able to take down the towel and finish the tie.
Then with Phoenix already suspended way longer than I would have liked it was our turn to take some pictures  🙂
So much for our isolated beach.
The stream of tourists became pretty constant and we were reduced to trying to snatch pictures when we could in between long waits as people walked by.
On the bright side neither the police nor Coast Guard that we were expecting, turned up, despite the fact we were shooting with Phoenix and the police always turn up when we shoot with Phoenix.
Not that they would have seen much with all the traffic on the beach.
Th  GPE1506-1573In One last desperate attempt to get the beach to ourselves we decided to make a sacrifice to Neptune, but even that didn’t go to plan.  With the tide coming in much faster and more forcefully than we had realised and was grinding Phoenixe’s back against the barnacle covered groyne we had tied her to, in a process reminiscent of keelhauling, all of which meant that the anguish and fear we were capturing in our pictures wasn’t acting and we had little time to get the pictures we wanted,
The sacrifice didn’t work.
People just kept coming.
Personally I blame Phoenix.
She insisted we could only half drown her and clearly in the eyes of Neptune,  flaying the skin from her back didn’t make up for that breach in sacrificial etiquette.
I did suggest waiting for a couple of hours until the spit was completely cut off from the mainland, by the tide, when we would be guaranteed no interruption, but a half drowned and bleeding Phoenix and a foot sore Kneelix seemed to think fish and chips was a much better idea.

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